Grace, Love & Attention

Grace, Love & Attention

This morning I had a cup of coffee with a very good friend of mine shortly after texting my coach about how I so wanted and needed and was ready to shift out of my old paradigm… I am so done with it!

During the coffee, Melinda and I talked about how I felt so “stuck” in my business ... just chasing money and goals (which I totally understand are necessary and yet when out of alignment, they don’t come out without it all feeling so uphill!) and it all felt out of whack. It wasn’t like I didn’t like what I do.. I love it! It felt like doing it w heart wasn’t coming to fruition lately.

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Let's celebrate ALL the things!

Let's celebrate ALL the things!

Once a while back, I decided to give mySELF a little bouquet of flowers after a good friend told me I was "a gem of a woman".

It was what I needed in the moment and it felt so good to hear it.

And so I decided to buy the flowers and celebrate that feeling.

I rarely if ever, give myself props for being kind and generous and cheerleader to those around me.

When I saw the flowers, they said to me that it's (more than) ok to celebrate me sometimes. It's also ok when not everyone sees it or appreciates it and as long as I see it in me, that's what matters.

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Vulnerability is a Superpower

Vulnerability is a Superpower

“I resolved to finally have a photo session of my own.

I decided that it was time to “walk the talk”. I was always talking about showing up and being seen but I was also the one that was hiding in plain sight.

The night before my session, I panicked. I felt super overwhelmed, anxious, scared, and vulnerable. I tried to cancel, but that was not an option.

I tried to make sense of my feelings of vulnerability so I could understand why showing up felt so yucky. Why couldn’t I just wave a magic wand and make my anxiety disappear in a puff of smoke? It bugged me, but it made me truly understand the courage and strength the women I work with possess. I see women every day who boldly step through their own fears to start their own business, to get up on stage to speak and find their voice, to have the courage to get in front of the camera like so many have done with me.

And although women have always shared their vulnerability and fears with me before they get in front of my camera, I never truly understood it until I was the one being photographed. Being the photographer on the other side of the lens is a much safer place. Yes, I was empathetic to their feelings, but I never really got it until the day I did it myself.

Vulnerability is a place I don’t like to go. It’s a dark space that requires major trust, and love, and empathy of SELF. Oddly enough, I am amazing at creating a safe space for my clients during a photo shoot. What I had to learn to do was to create the same safe space for myself.”

That excerpt was written by me almost 5 years ago.

And it was eye opening.

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Breakdown to Breakthrough

Breakdown to Breakthrough

A month after this dance series, I kept saying I didn’t feel well. A month later, I was having weird food episodes like body spasms and complete “back freeze up” and we finally realized it was probably from eating eggs. A month later I could barely walk after waking up with weird lines on my chest that we all joked were from aliens. I would work out crying to my trainer because I could barely lift a 1 lb weight without being exhausted for the rest of the day. My family was in town and all I wanted to do was sleep and sleep some more because I had nothing to give. My body was swollen and inflamed and in more pain than I probably even realized because…

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