You want to know a little secret? I almost canceled this entire night earlier in the week!
Terrified that no one would attend. Scared about putting my artwork on the walls. Terri-cited about my own growth and success! Oh my ‘mean girl’ was having her day with me! But I called a good friend and she walked me through it and said the most surprising thing to me that evening when I wanted to cancel it all. Njeri said to me, “You know what the problem is right? YOU are afraid of your own greatness my friend.”
I thought about it for a moment and admitted that I would never use that word to describe me now or in the future. And she begged to differ. She said I needed to own it and move forward in it and take small steps to loving it as well. And the small step that night was to order the damn prints that would go on the wall! And so I did. It was 1 am Tuesday morning and they were ordered.
I ordered the cake the following day. Drinks and food were bought two days ahead and so basically, this party was put together in all of 48-72 hours.
I DID IT! I ALLOWED MYSELF TO FEEL ALL THE FEELS. AND I DID THE HARDEST THINGS OF ALL -- RECEIVE THE LOVE AND SUPPORT OF OTHERS AND ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE TRULY SEEN!"
Friends and clients and family just kept coming in that evening in WAVES! It really blew me away and the fact that I thought maybe 5 people might show (and I had decided that if that was the case, it would be perfect!) but then over 50 ended up gracing the studio with love and flowers and hugs -- beyond grateful and so excited to embrace this next chapter in my life.
Oh and can I tell you another little “thing” that I realized the morning I woke up on the day of this party?
It occurred to me that it was exactly two years from the date that I asked for my divorce. Two years from the day I said I wouldn’t be treated badly anymore. And that I deserved more and deserved better.
This was not planned and so talk about serendipitous timing!? This is my life ya’all…are we surprised?!
Anyway, here are a few snippets I wrote on FB the night of and after the party --
“My daughter Shivani (aka my Director for the evening) came up to me and said I needed to do a cake cutting. I was like ‘whaaaat!? This is not a bday or wedding ... why!?’ She said I should say something since so many people had shown up to celebrate with me.
And I still kinda fought it, “well if we stop the music it’ll kill the party vibe...blah blah blah...” At which point I believe she grabbed my arm and escorted me to the cake at which point I whispered to her, “everyone is talking and I don’t think I can quiet them down (total LIE!)” so she said, “no biggie” and then asked her boyfriend to say something to hush the crowd and I must say I was impressed (she takes zero shit ... yeah, the apple doesn’t fall far from... 😂) and so it was my time and moment to show up and celebrate... not only the amazing friends and clients who honored me w their presence but also as I was told today, to celebrate myself out loud and beautifully and with grace.
And I think I kinda did...unplanned and from the heart since this is who I am always.
During and afterwards I locked eyes with so many who were there, and truly received. I was beyond grateful and realized how lucky I am to have such amazing, beautiful people in my life!!
And I realized today that it was ok to celebrate me and that it was time to receive all that was given yesterday. From wanting to cancel the party earlier in the week to making it happen in less than 48 hours and knowing that I had a connection of some sort with each person who was there to celebrate with me, was such a magical experience that I wouldn’t trade for anything!
A little post I did later the next day --
You guuuys... I’m bathing in gratitude today. Humbled by the love and support and beautiful energy all around me. I wrote this to my coach since my homework this week has been all around what I see in all the women who surround me is also my mirror of who I am.
“OMG… I didn’t know I could have so much gratitude in me. It has humbled me beyond belief to see what happened last night. It’s interesting because I was actually celebrating my clients and my friends by doing the event and then a friend said to me, we are here to celebrate you. Talk about a fucking beautiful mirror!”
Ok, so yeah, I’m just blown away by the love and support and laughter and connection and energy I witnessed at the party! And for all the times I heard, ‘I wanna book a session with you!’ I heard myself say, ‘Tonight isn’t about that ... we will do a session but tonight I want to connect and enjoy!’
Letting go to joy and laughter and fun allowed me to be in the moment as much as possible and that was exciting!
As hostess, I didn’t get to have the deeper conversations I crave and enjoy even at a party, but I know those will happen with almost everyone here at some point and in the meantime, yes, we had plenty of alcohol and food and most important, I got lotsa hugs and gorgeous flowers 💗💗!!!
Who knew this could be ME now? I certainly didn’t but many people did and for that I am thankful. I am learning that it can be and working towards seeing all the good stuff in myself that everyone else sees. Baby steps but it is happening and the gratitude — well it is constant because when you are there — that is where life truly happens!
So here I go into my freedom space. Celebrating, working hard, practicing gratitude, loving hard, finding joy in all the things, creating a love of body and mind and asking all those that want to be a part of it to join me in the ride! So … are YOU ready!?