To be honest with you, my mind is a bit blank right now. I am pretty sure yours might be, too. It’s the end of the year, that time “in between” where we barely know what day it is and some of us are just catching up on sleep and dreaming of what the New Year holds and catching up on more sleep. Oh, wait, maybe that’s just me! :)
All in all though, I must admit that it has been a good holiday week. I didn’t just survive, I thrived my very first holiday by myself, single and happy! It was a a family-filled Christmas Eve, a quiet Christmas morning and day with a walk with my Bella and a visit with my daughter followed by a big ass steak and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on the TV with a hot toddy (which, I must say, I am addicted to now!).
I for the first time, in so very long, actually told myself I was proud of myself.
And that is not an easy task. It never has been.
To give myself kindness, to receive compliments, to feel all the feels that comes with those things -- so hard for me!
Surprised? Many are when they hear that. I talk the talk but it has sometimes been hard to do the walk. But this year, I have really started. And next year, I plan to continue in even bigger ways!
I have followed my heart in so many way. Started a new life at the age of 52. Took a break to heal from an abusive relationship that had me sick and wanting to stay in bed all day. Looked up and realized that there was a life to live and blue skies and bumble bees and all the yummy stuff that I started noticing made me realize that I needed to FEEL ALL THE FEELS!
But with that, comes surrendering to trust -- trusting myself, God, the Universe, others in my life. I’ve been working on that, too (with the help of my super badass coach, Mary Houston!).
And the next big step for me?
It is to RECEIVE.
This word has been coming up for a few months now in so many situations in my life. My word of the year tends to do that. It really starts peeking around the corner at me and then throws itself right in front of me when the time is right.
We can talk the talk, even walk the walk but if we are not able to truly receive ... the hugs, the presence, the gifts however big or small, tangible or intangible, then we are missing something big.
And like I said in the last newsletter, I want all the things! And by that I meant, not always the physical things, but the intangibles, too.
I want to receive kindness when it is given to me. Not just recognize it and say ‘ok, but…., but truly feel it and honor it and bathe in it.
I want to receive the more that is in life and embrace it and feel it fully.
I want to receive that smile and compliment without making excuses or looking away as if I don’t deserve it.
And to be honest, I am not sure exactly what all this will be like. I just know that this is the word that keeps showing up and so I am ready to embrace it and RECEIVE it as it needs to show up.
So how about you? What is the word that keeps smacking you in the face or gently patting you on the back for you to listen and pay attention? If you don’t have one, I suggest you think about it and think about what keeps showing up in your life. I have found that the word might change as the year goes along -- that is called growth and living -- but it is impactful and creates an awareness that trickles into your life each day and things start shifting!
Share with me what yours is or what you are thinking of as you enter 2019. And speaking of 2019, have a wonderful New Year!
Thank you for all your love and support -- see you next year!