Grace, Love & Attention

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This morning I had a cup of coffee with a very good friend of mine shortly after texting my coach about how I so wanted and needed and was ready to shift out of my old paradigm… I am so done with it!

During the coffee, Melinda and I talked about how I felt so “stuck” in my business ... just chasing money and goals (which I totally understand are necessary and yet when out of alignment, they don’t come out without it all feeling so uphill!) and it all felt out of whack. It wasn’t like I didn’t like what I do.. I love it! It felt like doing it w heart wasn’t coming to fruition lately.

And then I shared w her a story about a client whose dog I had photographed over 5 years ago and how she had messaged me about a year ago shortly after her her dog passed away and she said that the gift of my photos made her so very happy and she just wanted me to know that. She shared the joy her dog had given her and that she smiled every time she saw the photos in her home. I cried when I got that email.

And I cried when I was telling my friend that this morning.

I also shared w her how at a recent Woman Redefined session, my client became so emotional during her reveal and how we held hands while watching her slideshow and how emotional I became w her as I was in awe of her vulnerability.

And in that moment, I realized that I just want more and more of that!!!!

I also realized that lately I’ve been operating from a perspective of must-have‘s and should have’s and whatever everyone else in my industry is doing instead of honoring my wants, what gives me pleasure and joy and what feels downstream.

And as I am taking this amazing program w my coach Mary (more about her coming in another post this week), pleasure is our word and experience of the month. And this word — pleasure — has been very hard for me this month as I put myself into my business and can’t seem to find “time” for it. It feels like a long lost memory.

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I realize honestly, that I’m not sure I know what it means either. I’ve denied myself that feeling for so very long. In both my business and personal life.

But I am so desperately wanting it and am determined to make it happen ... however it happens I leave open and just in that moment driving home after coffee, intend for it to start showing up.

And as I am driving home w a renewed perspective, when I saw the bookstore after a fun morning out w a good friend, I wandered in...I forgot how much I enjoy just hanging out in books!! So I did.

And then amongst all the fiction and self help and business ... I stumbled across Calvin & Hobbes...& yeah, they came home w me!! I decided that I needed fun, silly and light!

I also realized in that moment how I’ve left my creativity on the shelf as I “pursue” business and in all honesty, it sucks and everything seems upstream when I lose that yummy feeling...

yeah, I like to put on “ears” during some of my instagrams! :D

yeah, I like to put on “ears” during some of my instagrams! :D

And as I am walking to the register, I run into this box of paints and stuff...the logical me says it’ll be cheaper at Michael’s and the pleasure in me says, screw it, get it and go play!!!

And as I come out of the bookstore, I decide to run across the street to the grocery store and buy myself roses and chocolate just because I could and wanted to! Pleasure principle in full force.

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So this is me today, giving myself joy and pleasure and proud of myself for being so aware of what else is possible!!! 💖

And this is also my perfect example of ‘self care’ — being aware of my wants and needs and honoring them. Not always do they have to do with buying things for myself because sometimes it is as simple as making that yummy steak or making time for that warm epsom salt and oils bath every night or it might be even taking a nap with the animals in the middle of the day.

Either way, all of those things are giving my body and mind the pleasure I deserve and that is the new theme for me as I start this next year free, independent and ready to swim downstream all the way!

xoxo

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