A month after this dance series, I kept saying I didn’t feel well. A month later, I was having weird food episodes like body spasms and complete “back freeze up” and we finally realized it was probably due to eating eggs. A month later I could barely walk after waking up with weird lines on my chest that we all joked were from aliens. I would work out, crying to my trainer because I could barely lift a 1 lb weight without being exhausted for the rest of the day. My family was in town and all I wanted to do was sleep and sleep some more because I had nothing to give. My body was swollen and inflamed and in more pain than I probably even realized because I was so used to living in pain due to my gut issues that were already very present and now were getting worse. My business suffered because I couldn’t remember things, move very easily and much less hold a camera for more than a short while.
I soon learned that my house was severely mold toxic and it was coming through the ac/heat vents and my body was riddled with it. I found out I had EBV and my Hashimotos was turned lopsided as well. A stressful personal life hadn’t helped and my body was ready for the perfect storm to invade and it did.
A year later I was diagnosed with Lyme disease. A medical intuitive I worked with said Lyme in medical circles is the great mimicked and in energy circle is known as the great initiator.
When I received the news of this devastating illness, I went through a depression of mind and body. And then I listened to the term “great initiator”. It was as if God and Universe had put this disease in my path to make me decide....did I want to stay sick in a toxic, unhealthy environment? Was it time to be courageous and leave and live the life for me?!
I chose the latter.
It’s been three years and so much has happened with my body and my life. I started the clean up but no one seemed to know how to deal with my after-symptoms...more severe gut issues, foggy memory, pain and inflammation ...they were all back. I left the toxicity of my physical home environment even though it had been remediated, I knew that the other toxicity wasn’t going to let me heal so a year later, at the age of 50 I found the courage to leave my marriage as well. I set intentions to heal, send my body and mind love and positive energy.
Lyme didn’t know what to do with the kindness and love. It only knew anger and desperation and I refuse to bow down to it. My gut needed for me to love it in spite of the pain and inability to “eat normal” like everyone around me and so I gave it that. Every morning, day and night. I fed it love, kindness and gentleness and understanding.
I found new doctors who listened and heard me and started my path to recovery. I’m still working on dancing each week or walking a few miles each day but they will come shortly, of this I am sure. I still continue the morning and night practice and now added an ‘I am..’ portion to it. After all the oils and CBD balm, I gently put an oil on my 3rd chakra and say out loud what I am...
Learning to be self confident.
Giving myself grace.
Accepting a wonderful new life.
And life is changing. I am finding my new normal in all parts of my life. Creating a new body made from love and kindness and not anger and resentment. Envisioning a new badass business that I love and that serves me so I can beautifully serve my clients.
I want all the things. And sometimes it takes breakdown to break through, so here I am...breaking through and ready. 💖