I am at a loss.
Sitting here in this coffee shop wondering what is it that is keeping me from sharing my news. A new birth of sorts. I have worked so hard at it. I brought in a most amazing team that helped me push myself further than I have ever gone before. And feel so proud of myself for all of it.
And yet, here I sit and have sat for the past THREE weeks not understanding WHY I haven’t done a rah-rah introduction or even a mention of it.
The original excuse was because it needed “tweaking” and that I needed to “test” it a few times or that I was depleted and exhausted after a month of writing (what I truly believe) is a rockin’ eBook that women will love….whatever…all excuses and then I was just mad at myself.
And after a life & business changing experience at a recent retreat in Arizona where I thought I came back strong and glowing (not my words but everyone else’s who saw me that week!), I was sure I would just spill the beans and again, a week and two weeks later, there I sit, mad at myself.
And then yesterday, it hit me like a brick — well, to be honest, the “brick” was really my coach smacking me upside the head about all of this during my call with her! And, honestly, I needed someone to do that to me…wake me up and make me accountable. So I got smacked (in the kindest of ways, btw) when I said I was so proud of my new website and how cool the eBook was that I wrote and how I couldn’t wait for other women to see it…and THAT is when the brick landed!
Robbin: Okay, well…so have you put this out to everyone yet?
Me: [barely whispering] Uh, no…but you’ll love it!
Robbin: Well, I had no idea the site was live! Well, of course, I didn’t, because you haven’t SHARED it with anyone yet! And so WHY do you think that is Rupa?
[Insert A-HA moment and a few more profanities here.]
I’m terrified. Not just scared, but terrified. I’ve been totally and completely transparent in this new project. Completely open. Super vulnerable.
My stomach hurts.
Who asked you to be vulnerable Rupa? Why did you create #vulnerabilityisthenewstrong? Who is asking for this from YOU? Who the hell do you think you are to believe that your photography or love for the women you work with and the words you wrote will matter? And when you write vulnerability is the new strong, you know it’s time to walk the talk, right? Hmmm….yes, that’s true…damn that hashtag coming back to bite me in the ass. (The Universe has a great sense of humor, doesn’t it?)
Listen, I don’t need someone to tell me, “Don’t listen to the Trolls.” because I am the Troll — to my own self — and I do listen and I must stop it.
So after acknowledging the Brick, the Troll, the Fear, I said ‘thank you Ego for bringing all of those up but I’ve decided to listen to my heart’ and set an intention making time to acknowledge the joy, the gratitude, and the happiness that I felt in my heart when I finished this project. I smiled thinking about how I celebrated it with all kinds of happy dancing (and yes, to Pharrell’s ‘Happy‘) with Bella in the kitchen when I saw my work come to life. Seeing the photos I have taken of so many amazing women in their zones of joy, laughter and power. Can it get any better than that?!
So with all of that vulnerability and transparency, I am going to share with you my “love” project that I am insanely excited about and I hope you love it as much as I do!
Visit the new Woman Redefined website. I hope it makes you smile, cry, and feel all of the good things that I feel when I look at it.
Oh, and be sure to opt in so you can get my gift — “Give Yourself Permission to be Visible: 4 Simple Ways to Show Up & Shine!” — the piece I wrote for you and I would love to hear from you if you do any of the challenges in it. I do them regularly and so no longer challenges, but practices in my every day life. And so even though I struggle with the Fear and the Troll, I also know how to pull myself out of it quicker than I ever was able to before.
I can’t wait to have you here as we explore what it is to be a Woman Redefined…so many ideas and so much vulnerability is about to surface it is ridiculous! So join me in the laughter and tears and joy and let’s do this thang!
Lots of Love!!!
I am at a loss.