Life has a way of creating pathways that take us to a place where we just need to be, when we need to be. I have always believed this – that everything in my life has happened for a reason – good & bad – to take me to the next “level” or allow me to grow or not. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it just magically happens – it doesn’t – not at all. I have realized that how I think and believe ultimately does create that shift – again whether good or not-so-good — it is ultimately up to me.
I also know that in the past many years I have lost that belief on many occasions. Meaning that I take myself down this path of the not-so-good – not believing in myself, feeling that it may not work, not happen, or god forbid, if it does, I am not good enough for any of it or don’t deserve it! Did you see the key word in all of this – it’s not hard to figure out. I was ready for a change.
Two months ago, my mom had a stroke. I wrote about it on the Blog and it was emotional x100 x1,000,000 and it has rocked my life and my world more than I thought anything could. Since her stroke, I have had to divide life into different priorities – taking care of her needs as she slowly regains her speech back being the main one. Of course, trying to enjoy my life with my husband and kids and dogs along with booking weddings and pet photo shoots and working towards them and after them – yeah – it doesn’t end. And I’m ok with all of that but what I have realized is that in all of this, I haven’t taken care of myself. I have found myself creating that negative space again, not believing and feeling not deserving.
And then this past weekend changed my life. Pathways were created and I think I needed to be there. And thank God I was.
Friday evening, I finally went to a seminar I had wanted to go to for months. It was called the “Science of Happiness” and I knew about it because my (oh-so-awesome) chiropractor, Dr. Pat Gibson is the creator and speaker of the experience. So on the back end of a rough week, I decided to just take the plunge and figured maybe I’d learn something – I mean worse come worse, at least I got an evening out with a good friend, so what was the harm!? Pat spoke about her own personal experiences (there was a moment that my friend and I looked at each other and said “was she in OUR house this past week?”) where she’d been and where she is now. She then talked about the “science” behind why/how things happen and how any of us, with the write tools, can actually cause positive things to happen as well. We listened to a guest speaker who told us her story and yes, I cried. Powerful, moving and for me, motivating. I said to myself I would definitely put it into practice – never said when because I wasn’t ready to commit just yet. But remember what I said about how things happen in life that creates that pathway, well mine was about to come sooner than I thought.
Saturday was another rough day – probably one of the roughest I have gone through in a very, very long time. I do not want to talk about the details of the events that occurred but I can tell you that the chain of events that did happen took me back to feeling like a lost little girl, not worthy of much regardless of how much love and support I put out to others, made me second guess my creative self and business self, made me feel that my love and support of my mom shouldn’t be as overwhelming as I feel it to be every single day lately, that I maybe didn’t deserve the same kindness I see extended to others…and the list goes on…the key word is there again…you see it?
I woke up Sunday knowing I had two choices. The first one being that I keep sinking into that deep, dark hole that just felt comfortable because it kept me feeling safe. But who was I kidding, you didn’t just sink, you got sucked in and it was a dangerous place to be. The second one was to make that shift – that new pathway I needed so badly. So I pulled out my notes from the Friday night before (yes, there was a reason I went to the Science of Happiness – it was clear to me now) and decided to go to work. Blurred and still feeling lost, I remembered one of the tools that we were told about on Friday. To start making things happen, start creating the “I want”, “I believe”, “I am” list – seeing it written down, saying it out loud and believing it to be true can set off the dynamic by which good things – those things you want – can start happening. (yeah, these are basically called affirmations – you know those “crunchy-feely” phrases (as our guest speaker put it) that actually WORK)!! :)
I also know that you can write a million things down but you must also actively participate – btw, those were the same words Pat used on Friday night (yay on me for already knowing that one!) — it just doesn’t miraculously happen. So since I knew what would be the first thing on my own list, before even writing it down, I picked up keys and drove myself to the gym for the first time in 3 months and took a pilates class. I came home with a new spirit and pulled out my notebook and started the “I want…” , “I am…” list and I wrote FOUR pages. WHO FREAKIN’ KNEW?!! I don’t think I even knew how much I was capable of, how much potential I have and how much I need and most important, and that writing it all down, could make me feel 100 pounds lighter!!! Seriously, there was a weight that came off my shoulders in that next hour that I can only hope for others to feel same if they decide to do this.
Although this is just day one in the road to my own empowerment for my own life, I was feeling like it is so much more. I went to the bookshelf where I had hidden away these little cards I had gotten 10+ years ago – yes, they are called “affirmation cards”. And so I started flipping through them and in a moment of I-don’t-know-what (some would say craziness), I decided that I would photograph a handful of these cards which really spoke to me and share them with whoever was interested.
I mean, why not, I am a photographer after all and to take it a bit further, I figured I had a perfect forum (this Blog) to share them as well so why not post a new card each week should anyone need a push to create start their own list and create a new perspective and a new life full of good things – why NOT!? :)
So, if you want to share, I’d love it if you did, please tell me what you want to see happen in your own life — what you need, what you want, what you are capable of — take the plunge with me and I’d love to know where we are all at in 3 months, 6 months…
Much love —
p.s. one of my own personal notes I wrote today is at the bottom…I figured it’s only fair that I ask you to share, I must do same!
“I deserve love, respect, caring, hugs and lots of kisses!!”